Finally

I woke up next to who was supposed to by husband

I suppose, I mean I never did see his face

to my mother with a pistol in her hand.

Couldn't tell if she was meaning for it to shake

or if her hands were just shaking that bad.

I kicked the gun out of her weak fingers

and ran to pick it up with my own.

We stood there for a while,

me pointing it at her-

her doing the best she could to make me shoot at her.

I couldn't really make out any real words

more just emotion flooding out of her body

and into my hands,

 which began to shake even worse than hers.

I sat there for a moment

looking at the gun,

I had never held one before.

Never even put my hands on one,

and now I've got one loaded, 

in my hands,

pointed at my mother.

She begins to compose herself

realizing, I think, that I'm not going to shoot

and she begins to tell me why I should.

Almost playing a game with my head,

sick and twisted as she was,

she wanted me to shoot her

.Before I even knew what I did,

I shot her in the leg.

Her face formed into this awkward smile

I had never seen before,

as blood drifted from her leg onto the ground

she never made a sound.

She sat there with that smile on her face

waiting for me to make my next move.

I screamed something at her,

probably weren't even real words,

and she told me to shoot again.

So I did.

I kept shooting.

One slit the side of her,

one landed in the back of her head.

But she was fine.

I kept missing.

I went through an entire round,

piercing the walls behind her.

The smile on her face grew larger

and the rage inside of me caught on fire.

I couldn't take her anymore,

this was it,

no matter what the consequences were

I was going to end her life.

I loaded another round,

didn't take my eyes off of her,

I didn't close it all the way.

They all fell to the floor,

now my hands are trembling

I've got tears in my eyes,

I'm moving way too fast,

 I'm doing it all wrong.

I try to fire something

before there's anything properly in the gun

and I ended up sending a bullet

right into the front of my neck.

The glimmer in her eyes shined brighter than any star I've ever seen.

I could feel the warmth in my neck.

I could taste the blood in my throat.

I dropped the gun to the floor,

I could see the amount of blood she had lost

.I knew she was coming to an end,

'Finally', I thought.

'Finally I did something for myself.'